Part 6: "Finding a Way Forward- When I struggle with jealousy..."

I am in an 8-part blog series dealing with areas of struggle I have experienced - and how I am learning to work through them with God's help.

This is a hard article- on my struggle with jealousy.  This is relationship-related and has nothing to do with envy which is "wanting someone something else has"- I haven't struggled in that area.  The jealousy I sometimes struggle with manifests with thoughts that pop into my mind regarding my wife.  With nearly 17 years of faithful marriage there is no reason for this - but I'll have a worrying thought and I'll ask about who called, who texted, or whatever.  Sometimes I'm just curious but other times I'll have a brief, painful fear pop into my head and I'll ask out of jealousy.

This is not a sin that I hear anyone talk about so I feel pretty alone in this (and ridiculous)...

The two reasons it has taken me awhile to post something on this topic are - busyness with job+family and............ because I have made no headway or progress in this struggle.  This is a very tough thing for me, its irrational, it hurts, and facing the fact that I have a problem with this has been humiliating.

Here is what I can say has happened with jealousy since I decided to do this series and face areas I struggle with.  I have basically realized I have an un-checked problem in this topic.  This is pretty deep.  And the problem with this sin - is I agree with it.  In confronting myself with the reality of my problem (sin) in the area of jealousy it has caused me to open up with my wife about it- and begin to talk about it, literally just this week.  I am getting some light shining on this issue(wound).  Last night we talked about this over text extensively and she actually thanked me for my honesty.  I have noticed as I've brought this to her - its effect on me has lessened.  I think another thing that has helped is I've admitted this is a problem that I have - and I have admitted I am wrong in this.  I've also prayed about this.

Jealousy is really about fear- fear of losing someone and that sucks, and its sad, and for me at least - its really embarrassing.  I am glad I am having, it seems, some relief from its strength over me by bringing it out into the open, talking about it with my wife, and admitting its wrong.

I hope somehow this helps someone - and is worth what it cost to write it.