Another tough one (ALL of these are), this is pretty embarrassing too. I have had problems in the area of anger at various times in my life, particularly under stress and/or exhaustion during certain seasons. It seems to be a conditional thing - but there are some roots to this as well so I will "try" to un-pack this. I haven't given this one as much introspection as I have, let's say, in the area of purity because this one kind of faded without as much of a battle, not sure why.
I have seen a few things that can bring on anger:
- Work stress
- Exhaustion
- Hunger
- Fear
- Detected lying
- Financial concerns
- Disrespect
- Unfairness/injustice
- An area of insecurity that is activated
- Protective instinct for my kids or wife
- Indignation that comes when I see something that is clearly wrong
- And then various "cocktails" / combinations of the above
A few years ago there were times probably once a month where I would get super angry and even loud (ugh..). My job was very stressful, I was driving >1hr both ways to work, and the kids were both young- so you had enough material there to certainly create some issues- no excuse though I was wrong. I think the only thing I learned at that time was to repent-fast, say I was sorry for getting so angry, and then try to do better.
And some of the anger would be triggered by one of those issues above but would come from a root of perfectionism - when I would see how things should be - and they weren't right - that created some anger more than once. I now try to ask questions instead of assuming I know what is going on and I try to use situations as teaching opportunities. I have also just become more relaxed and less of a perfectionist. People (including me- most definitely) are just not going to all operate like perfect little robots and I needed to realize that, it took some time.
As far as exhaustion, hunger, and stress - I still work a lot(lot) but there is less stress now both circumstantially and because I am more relaxed these days. I know that the Lord has had an effect on me in the area of being more relaxed, more trusting but in case you didn't know it - His changes really do take years sometimes.
The various circumstances that I used to deal with, I still run into (hey, that's life- for anybody) but now my family and I have a real habit of taking concerns to the Lord in prayer, little issues and large issues. When you learn that God is going to show up in your "junk" out of years of seeing it in prayer - frankly the stress is less.
Not saying the final nail is in the coffin of this one but it is an issue I dealt with a lot more a few years ago- its weird being able to write about it and not have it seem as relevant. The journey with the Lord is interesting - as we walk with Him he seems to silently, gently, and in a teaching way transform various areas of our life that we struggle with. We look in the rear view mirror and the broken down car on the side of the road sort of fades off into the distance.
I think the encouragement here is three-fold:
- Bring the stressors/worries/fears/things that anger you - to the Lord in prayer
- Make sure you're dealing with environmental issues like sleep, good nutrition, roots of stress
- Over time, learn to trust in the Lord with the issues of life, I think as we let Him shoulder that stuff he not only handles "today's issue"- but he transforms us as He walks along with us
Appreciate comments, below, if you benefited from this.
1 comment:
great job in both insight and writing
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