I am in an 8-part blog series dealing with areas of struggle I have
experienced - and how I am learning to work through them with God's
help.
In the world there is a phrase that is used a lot to try and convince people to forgive. People say, "If you don't forgive you are only hurting yourself." That has always seemed like a pretty shallow reason to get over being hurt and forgive someone. Its a tough sell when you are legitimately angry or hurt because someone has really done something wrong. On the surface- having to forgive sucks..
Ok, I'm going to open up a little bit here. I'm fairly sensitive. I also have a very dominating sense of right and wrong (not that I FOLLOW it very consistently but I SEE what's right and wrong clearly). Being sensitive isn't all bad- I am naturally empathetic to others which is a good thing - and being sensitive I also pick up on social nuances which has helped me a lot in relationships and in my sales career. However, being sensitive I have historically gotten hurt frequently. At my level of life experience I am starting to be able to deflect "some" things that would have hurt but its still a work in progress. The other issue is, even for small things like someone cutting in line or doing something unsafe or rude in traffic- it causes me some irritation (I wouldn't call it anger but certainly strong irritation). And at home, in my relationship with my wife, we are total opposites. This is great from a standpoint of helping each other- but it does lead to seeing things differently and can cause problems. (mostly on my side- because I'm sensitive and she's not) So, I guess I'm explaining that I've had a lot of reasons to need to forgive.
I blew it yesterday
Just yesterday I failed at forgiving pretty badly. I had done something outside the house that I wanted to show my wife when she got home. But when she got home she was dealing with allergies, had to go in, and didn't check out my work. I was calm but angry with her about it for awhile. And listen, I know this was an immature jerk attitude on my part...
My friend Fernando is a rock star at forgiving
I worked with Fernando for four years. I learned some great things about forgiveness from him. Whenever someone did something rude- he would assume they were having a bad day and not take offense. When a family difficulty arose he would feel bad for them assuming for them to act in a certain way they must be really suffering. Fernando is committed to THE PERSON and so he puts the person ahead of the issue no matter what. He has an active lifestyle of giving other people grace, it seems to be a habit. Watching him helped me a lot and it has started to develop some compassion inside of me when I evaluate why someone may have done something (but I have a long way to go).
Teachings from Jesus
Jesus said some things about forgiveness. One of the things he said is - if we won't forgive people God won't forgive us (that's pretty scary). He also told His disciples to forgive 70x7 (which doesn't mean 490, it means just keep on forgiving people). One of the Apostles of Jesus said to not let the Sun go down while you are still angry. As a follower of Jesus Christ I have to take His teachings quite seriously. So, what I've been doing is basically working on making myself forgive people purely because He tells me I have to do it. I have to admit as I sit here typing this that I can't think of a time I forgave someone that I didn't actually feel better for it eventually.
Jesus also said to pray for your enemies. Initially I HATED THAT idea. Someone who is a jerk at work or someone who is rude in a store is not someone I want to pray for. However, how do you get around the fact that Jesus actually said that...? And worse yet- on the cross He even prayed for God to forgive the people who were crucifying Him? (that's just incredible, think about that one) So, I've been working on praying for enemies as well and what I've found from doing this and trying to figure out what to say when praying for them is that if you mix the stuff Fernando taught me above (i.e. this person must be suffering or having a bad day, etc, etc) you can actually feel some compassion for your enemies. I mean if this person treats me like this unfairly- it probably means they have damaged relationships and extra stress in other areas of their lives.
Historically, one of the most powerful ways Christians have won over enemies- is with love, service, and prayer. Martin Luther King Jr. was a model of forgiveness, prayer, and loving your enemies- and he changed the United States because of it.
The fact is if I will apply this stuff- it will work. Jesus works.
Tune in tonight/or tomorrow if I don't get to it- for part 4 - "Finding a way forward... When I battle with lust"- this will be PG in nature but since so many people (particularly guys) deal with this I think it will help, share with someone!
I appreciate any comments below!
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