Part 2: "Finding a Way Forward- When I feel incapable or not smart...

I am in an 8-part blog series dealing with areas of struggle I have experienced - and how I am learning to work through them with God's help.

This second issue I have battled with for years is the issue of sometimes feeling unintelligent or incapable in certain ways.  As the introspective person that I am I have a good idea where some of this self-doubt and self-criticism comes from.  Frankly, I have areas I'm strong at and areas where I'm as weak as it gets.  I think what I've done over the years is focus on areas where I'm not as smart, not as knowledgeable, etc.  The fact that I probably have A.D.D. has also made this worse - because if you don't pay attention and you are in your own world you're going to miss things and therefore feel pretty stupid sometimes when you "should have" known something.  Also, the way I am wired I'm REALLY interested in some things and REALLY NOT interested in some things.  I tend to get deeply into things I am interested in - and completely ignore areas I am not interested in.  So, when I run into a situation where I either didn't pay attention or its an area I'm not interested in- I feel not smart compared to people who paid good attention or its an area the other person is knowledgeable.  My other issue, poor memory, connects to this because if I'm very interested in something- my memory is good in that area.  However, there are LOTS of things I am NOT interested in.  So, the above are all symptoms that have led for a long time to a belief that I wasn't smart which is a pretty painful thing to believe about yourself.  Things have improved in the self-belief area a bit over the years but quite honestly and without excuses - there are some skillsets I can truly and honestly say I'm not very smart in.  One of my weaker areas is hard to describe but it basically has to do with directions and logistics.  I have a real weakness in this area and its not just vehicle directions- it has other manifestations throughout my life.

So, what I want to focus on here is HOW I OVERCOME these areas I am lacking in.

Example of overcoming from my marriage
My wife is good with directions and logistics.  I think she has the gift of administration more than most - and an amazing gift of logic.  She can problem-solve in a way that is amazing to watch.  She is smart in all the ways I'm not.  I can't tell you which street to turn on for the grocery store in the next town over unless I've been there at least 25 times.  She can tell you the back-road to get there to avoid a traffic jam on her 2nd trip...  What I've learned is to celebrate that she's smart in these areas and actually leverage her strengths.  If I know I'm really lacking in a certain area and I see that she's strong in an area- I have come to the point that I'm just happy we're a team.  I think God matches us with our opposites sometimes and yes that can create some conflicts (welcome to planet Earth everyone) but it also creates the opportunity to celebrate someone else's success and gifting.  It is also an opportunity to "divide and conquer".  For example, I'm really interested in keeping a schedule - but she logistically has all of that in her head so I shamelessly ask her before I schedule something.  I'm very interested in family finances and keeping a budget - but sometimes I can't decide what order to make a complex series of financial moves in- so I run it by her.  I think not only do both of us benefit by leveraging each other's strengths - but we get to share life more due to this.

Same idea at work- why do I need to do everything, why do I have to have all the best ideas?  I want to learn to set aside my own ego and celebrate someone else's gift, someone else's idea.  Honestly, you really build trust at work and in any relationship when you recognize their gifts, celebrate them, and give them credit.

The way forward starts with a mentality
The problem with the areas I am not as intelligent - is that life is going to go on with or without me.  People depend on me in my personal and business life.  The fact that my memory isn't great, the fact that I am easily distracted, and have areas where I am lacking giftedness is no excuse in life.  If I am not able to do something at work- my career isn't going anywhere (or worse).  If I don't remember something crucial or if I can't figure out how to do something I will suffer and so will my family.  The mentality I have had to develop to overcome is (drum roll please), taking 100% personal responsibility.  There are no excuses.  Overcoming the big areas of weakness that I have starts with knowing where I am weak and figuring out what I can do to mask or overcome that weakness.

Here are some examples of how I overcome areas I'm not smart:
- Since I have a poor memory I keep lists  (I recommend Evernote)
- Since I have a poor memory I use lots of reminders (at work I use Outlook Calendar reminders)
- Since I have a poor memory I keep notes  (I recommend Evernote)
- Since I am bad at directions I use mapping programs (I travel all over the U.S. and get around fine by using Google Maps)
- When I don't know how to do something in some other area I use YouTube tutorials a lot, Internet searches, etc.  It may take me awhile and its not a guaranteed approach but for example I have to use Excel a lot at work so I rely on those sources.  (sometimes you can ask people but everyone is so busy it doesn't work very often)
- I use creativity to overcome lack of giftedness - you know what this means?  I just brainstorm what could I do in XYZ situation...
- I use massive overwhelming effort - if I have to work all night to make it happen, I'll do it (and I do fairly often)

Prayer power is amazing - IF YOU TUNE OUT HERE.. here you're crazy!
My weaknesses and areas I am not intelligent have caused me a lot of grief over the years.  It is one of the reasons (other than chemical imbalance) I battle with depression at times.  However, because I am a Christian which means I have a real relationship with God through Jesus Christ we are taught to pray for the things we need.  We pray for things we're worried or anxious about.  And in fact we're told not to fret.  Out of weakness I have a frequent dialog with God about the help that I need.  Literally the way this works out is like this:

• I don't know what to do- I ask the Lord and I either get an idea, I somehow figure it out, or I "bump into" someone who knows the answer.  This has literally a 100% success rate, sometimes the answer is quick and other times the answer might not be quick but I have NEVER BEEN LEFT HANGING.
• If I'm struggling logistically or administratively- I pray
• If I'm feeling inadequate, stupid, or lacking in knowledge- I pray
• If I feel like I might fail in something- I pray

Prayer works- its my secret weapon.  I have had ideas for entire business strategies and even new types of sales teams directly from prayer.  And- I NOW KNOW after years and years of this that the Lord likely taught me the various coping systems I have in response to some of those prayers for help.  What I have found over the years is that these areas of weakness have turned into strengths for me.  I still have the frustration of feeling stupid sometimes but the practical functionality of how that affects me in real-living has turned out ok.  As a result of these weaknesses I've been more organized, more on top of things, and I don't let things hit the floor.  Fear of failure and knowledge of my weaknesses created the motivation to develop personal systems to help me cope and overcome.

Others who have amazing memory and many other gifts and talents I've noticed can be arrogant or lazy at times.  Also, they are sometimes unteachable and don't listen well.  People have told them they're smart all their lives...

The Application
What if God didn't just give us things we're GOOD AT as gifts.  What if some of our GIFTS were our weaknesses?  What if our weaknesses were areas that we had to work harder at- that developed us in special ways?  What if our weaknesses and (gasp!) flaws helped us with humility and to be more relatable to others.  What if our weaknesses caused us to celebrate and leverage the strength of someone else?  What if our weaknesses were supposed to actually cause us to seek God and rely on Him?

Tune in tomorrow for Day 3!

Hey, I'd appreciate any comments below!