30day Put God First Test 2012: Day 9 – “Untitled"

What do I write?  Its been an exhausting several days.  Friday night I worked until 6:30am after working all day in the office and then Monday I worked until 3:00am after working all day in the office.  I have been trying to get ahead of the workload at work and get some important things done while still spending time with God each day.  Its day number 9 of the 30 day "Put God First" test and I have only missed one day- and that was due to my alarm clock not going off (iPhone bug).  Still, its a very strained and exhausting time for me...

I also totally lost my temper yesterday with my daughter in my exhaustion when a certain thing surprised and shocked me.  I recovered and worked it out with her and made it right but I hate that this came out of me.  I can certainly see what is left in me when put under extreme circumstances.

I don't have anything to write- I actually don't even WANT to write today but one of the ideas around this 30day test is that I'll spend time with God daily and and try to write daily.  I don't want to write, honestly, because I'm discouraged.  In my life I've had dreams of being very close to God but balancing life, work, and the Kingdom is something I find hard to do- and there isn't a training manual for the daily details.

I'm discouraged, I'm tired, and I'm disappointed I lost my temper.  I don't want to talk to anyone about this either, frankly this is embarrassing to write about.

Lord, thanks that you love me and my family.  I give you praise that in all my weakness and lack of understanding you are still faithful.  I praise you here, within my own discouragement.  Lord, if you're going to do something with my life its going to have to be through your wisdom, plan, and strength.  My own hard work (which I take so much pride in) is clearly not enough.  My own wisdom and creativity you have shown to be short-sighted.  I dedicate my dreams of life, whatever they may have been, or whatever they may still be- to you.  I am little more right now than a working robot.  I dedicate myself to anything small or great you want to do through me.

Put a heart... put your heart... back in this tin man.