Freedom from... well let's just say the so-called "typical" guy sins.. has been consistent for me for about 11+ years now. With the compulsive personality I have this is amazing. I do realize talking about this sets me up as a target but guys need to know its possible with Jesus Christ.
I would love to write a "how to get free article for guys"...but gentlemen I don't really have the full answer on why I am free other than to say I know it was the work of God in my life led by the Holy Spirit. I CAN say that I am not the only one friends- the world says 99% of guys do it - but that is a lie, many many are free and walking in power and authority even after falling hard.
The purpose of this article is to throw down some thoughts on how my journey started and give some info on my ongoing battle in this area. I'll cover some available weapons against this as well. Some of this may get embarrassing. (to my wife: fair warning to close the laptop)
I wanted to get free from all of my impurity and immorality as I was about to get married. When I wanted to get free I realized I had stacked the deck against myself. I was looking at every female that moved(completely bound and addicted to this, so embarrassing and it was total idolatry), I had habits of failure, I was looking at a ton of "STUFF" online, and not too long before this time I was acting out a LOT of it...(yah, with me its all-or-nothing in one direction or the other) My mind was saturated with images of sin and my expectations about this "area" of life were too far out there due to the way I had programmed myself and what I had seen. I pictured this area of life as too air-brushed, too wild, too willing, too frequent, and too unfair for any long-term relationship with a woman. And frankly my body was revved up in high gear by creating a fulfillment frequency that had me totally on fire- my need was out of control. Getting married was supposed to "solve it" but that wasn't the full answer. It ended up that I brought a lot of baggage to my marriage to an innocent newlywed wife...
I realize only now that I was revved up, juiced up, psyched-up, set-up, and filled-up with a lot of sin- and I'm not going to say I didn't like the stuff either. When I quit, it was merely a calculated decision.
I stopped feeding myself just before I was married with all of these inputs mostly cold-turkey perhaps with a few "less-bad"(I am mocking that in case you didn't know that) habits straggling for a year or so. I tried to cut off the obvious big items before I got married because my vision of life was that if I was going to be married I wanted to be a man of God. Frankly I missed God, I have always loved, appreciated, and had affection for God even if I was away from him. I was surprised that when I turned to God during this time that my mind was a mess and so were my expectations of this area of life. It turned out to be a journey- and a journey involving a lot of battles (sometimes even with my wife).
I was committed to progress, I kept trying. I would look at someone, then repent. I would have a minute-long immoral fantasy and when I came to myself I felt horrible, dirty, and tainted but would repent and not give up on God's work. I would linger on a late night movie for 30 seconds when I shouldn't have and then feel terrible, but I would repent. I just wouldn't give up. My wife and I absolutely committed ourselves to going to church and I began to spend time with the Lord in the Bible and prayer- this was inconsistent but I kept trying. I kept failing, and trying, failing, and trying, and then trying some more- in all areas.
I realized I had to have a constant and militant mindset. Some of the choices I began to make would seem over-the-top even to my wife. I would not look at a shampoo commercial that was suggestive, I threw away my secular music, and stopped going to Rated-R movies. I was really trying to guard my eyes and mind. I also made the firm decision that my wife was to be my total source in the fulfillment department. This was hard because "drive and timing" can vary a lot between guys and gals but I still chose to live within the confines of my marriage. (Note: guys if you have your drive revved up by too much frequency this can change and normalize, not saying the battle ever goes away but this helps)
A lot of motives helped drive the purity effort- at first it was just the dream of being pure. I believed that the images in my brain would fade, given time, and they did (this took YEARS). Later, I wanted to be pure with the desire to not hurt my wife. Now, years later as I've really become close to the Lord and walk with him daily I realize that if I took the path of immorality after having been free for so many years I would not only be betraying my wife but I would be choosing to not have fellowship with the Lord. I would have to turn around and walk into the darkness without the Lord if I chose sin. I don't want to do that and I pray he keeps me close because it's always been my dream to be very close to God, my #1 goal. I always push myself to seek the Lord and keep asking him "what else can I do to be closer to you" and "help me to have an undivided heart". So, IN SPITE of the fact that I still walk around breathing the poisonous fumes of this sinful planet-- I am holding my breath and hoping I die to the world. I know this effort will cost me a lot..
I always guard my heart and live with a high-level of awareness of what may capture my desires and my will. I am so paranoid that something will take my affections off of my Father that I use my mind and my ability to make decisions and choices to take authority over what my sometimes wild or lustful heart may want. In addition to this I also pray for strength and grace if my heart is betraying. Pray, then wait - help is coming. This could be an entirely separate article but you have to understand that when you pray God HAS answered, the wheels are turning just wait for his help and know you have it. I pray quite frequently if I see someone in a public setting who is dressed inappropriately (this happened today). I can't help it if my nature responds to my environment in the way of a man but what I do is radically divert my eyes and I do not look no matter what. Then, if I'm particularly weak or if this person is going to be around for awhile or whatever I pray about it in my heart. Let me tell you something I MAY BURN ALIVE BUT I AM NOT GOING TO FREAKING LOOK AT THAT GIRL- just shoot me in the head because I am not going out like that.
Guys - wake up you are warriors.. be militant warriors for God and ask for his power stop rolling over like a bunch of slobbering babies and be MEN of God.
Ok, back to my story.. I knew I had to continue to be radical in my reforms - as radical as the brave men who fought like lions at the Alamo because they were surrounded and had no choice. I had NO choice and was surrounded by total impurity - and acceptance of impurity in the world around me. In fact I was "weird" at times, I don't care. I was weird but now I'm free. I was weird but I have a great marriage. I was weird but now I am led by the Spirit. I was weird but I have a relationship with the Father.
Be weird and join me. Be willing to stand alone- and you'll never be alone again.
One last thing before I get into some tactics and stuff. Guys, I have had times in the presence of God that were so powerful that I've asked him to stop time. I have had the Lord tell me things before they happened. When I read my Bible it speaks to me almost every day. When I pray, things happen. When I minister to someone I KNOW the Lord is going to give me something to say to them. And most of all, I love the Lord and I know he loves me. I know I am forgiven, I know I am free, even if I fell I know to run back to God. Gentlemen, this life is difficult for us but it is worth it for the glory of God in our lives and the relationship you can have with him. The world needs you, the Kingdom of God needs you, but most of all God wants to walk with you hand-in-hand, you are his little son and he wants to walk in business with you and in life with you. Will YOU make the radical choice to be pure? Will you cut off the evil influences? Will you commit to him in prayer right now?
Ok, I want to cover a few tools and concepts:
As guys one of our enemies is our chemicals in our own blood- which is tough.. Some of those chemicals that make us strong and aggressive guys are also what keeps our internal flames burning(you guys are smart enough for me to not have to spell it out) So, we've got an internal flame that is always burning and there are times I can feel actual burning inside.
Another flame that we have inside, and I haven't heard almost anyone talk about this but its the affect of flattery on a guy by a woman. Guys, I have had 3 instances in the past 30 days of this and its worse than any other attack (for me at least). Happily married and fulfilled though I may be I am still vulnerable to the attack of flattery. Somehow even a vague and indirect flattery or show of interest by a female is still something I have to contend with. I live a very guarded lifestyle and I don't even have private conversations with women so I can have success in this area but I've become aware of this issue lately. I think the issue was always there but the enemy has been attacking me stronger and in new ways lately. I think the enemy uses different scouts against us and probes different areas to see if he can get a foothold. I can see how men fall whether it just be to online stuff or real-world stuff, I get it. I have setup for myself an accountability partner to help with situations like this. I emailed him a couple of weeks ago when one of these unsolicited female flattery situations came to me and I asked him to pray for me. I am telling you I felt something leave me about 40 minutes later. I called him later to thank him.
I have surveyed 3-4 other guys recently and apparently its not just the typical visual stuff that gets a lot of us but its this (imagined or real) perception that we may be wanted - that is very poignant and flattering to a lot of us (not sure if its all of us but I am so far 100% in asking guys I know.) Be aware of this tactic and seek your praise, worth, and strength from God. If our wives more deeply understood the direct access that praise, respect, and being wanted in this way has to our desire and to our will they would be shocked. Guys, from my experience our women really don't understand this issue so you need to love them exactly like they are and learn to sit in God's presence and let him fill this need in your soul - seek him and he will do it, then go love your wife graciously and without placing this burden to worship the ground you walk on onto her.
So, be aware of this flattery attack and deflect it by making the decision to not respond in any way to this. Walk away, or shut off the Internet and delete the message, or whatever is happening (2 of my 3 were Facebook friend requests that were illicit- but flattering and unsolicited people I didn't know). It can come in different forms but run away just like Joseph in the Bible. Also, pray that God protects your imaginations, your desires, your will, and your memory. Finally, do what I did and find a guy who is mature in the Lord enough that you can trust him with this information and someone who can pray.
Hey, this stuff doesn't mean you're weak, weird, or a womanizer - this stuff oftentimes actually seeks us out and preys on our weak areas. However, if you're aware of this and have a pure and God-seeking lifestyle you will defeat it. You can definitely live a free life.
There are things that fuel this fire.. awareness of them is a tactic itself. First, as guys our eyes seem to have direct access to our fire source. If I look at a pretty girl it fuels the fire a little bit, even if it's an accident. I made the firm and radical choice to not look at women at all if I have any choice in the matter- if I have no choice then it's above the neck only and only as long as necessary.
Part of my enemy is also within my own will- after 11+ years the desire to look is still there and sometimes it's like ripping my eyes away to not look. I admit however having a pre-made policy at least means I have a plan and can form some habits-- however it's still a choice against my own nature and will at times. I always use prayer-in-the-moment to support me in my weakness. (guys, why are you fighting this without prayer?)
The Word says "the weapons of our warfare are not carnal (human-based) but they are mighty through God for the tearing down of strongholds". The Word also says we have "weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left". These are the words of warriors and it shows there is supernatural help and many weapons the Lord will give us in our fight - HE is the source. I like what 1st Peter 2 says - it says as we come to him we are built up into a holy house, a holy priesthood. It doesn't say we build ourselves into a house- it says we come to him and HE builds us into something holy. Again, this is more spiritual than effort-based although there is effort- but you need to get in the habit of coming to him continually in this fight. He will build you and form you.
Are you willing to turn to the Lord fully in the area of your masculine nature? Are you willing to stop filling your mind with everything that fuels your fire? Are you willing to stop looking at women? Are you willing to stop trying to get the attention of women? Are you willing to run away from all forms of female flattery and attention? Are you willing to purify every area of your life? Are you willing to commit yourself to your wife 100% as your source even though she will not understand this fight?
If you are willing to fight this battle - don't do it just to be pure. Do it for a dream. Do it for the dream that you can walk with God. The Bible says that Enoch walked with God and then was no more, imagine that - he was so close to God that God just took him away to himself. If you are willing to lay down your life just know that it will be hard, you will have to die, sometimes you may scream in prayer- I did, you will have to forgive your wife for not understanding your struggle, you will have to be willing to stand alone when the other guys are going the opposite way. (I watched them walk down the path of this world and I heard stories of broken lives from some of them later) If you will take up your cross and follow Christ just know that you have the Father standing by to help you. You don't need me to lay out every weapon and tactic that you will ever need. You need fellowship with the Lord. You need to develop a life of the Word and Worship and get close to God- be patient with this process. Do this for 1 reason only - that you want to be closer to God than anyone else on the face of the earth. Do it because you want to lose yourself in him.
Prepare to die.
You will never imagine the life that awaits.
Rise man of God and grasp the strength of your Father's hand.
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